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[09 Sep 2007|04:15am] |
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Full, in-depth entry to come soon....been an interesting month....I'm just too ripped to write right now...
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| hahaha |
[20 Nov 2006|06:46am] |
so apparently i have a secret admirer/stalker......hahah, jp..
so our pledges crossed over this week, and im relieved...its funny to see how it all works from the other side, and seeing the look on their faces when they knew they made it brought me back to last year..overall, it was a good experiece, from both sides...we had a "party" last night and it was legit..
a lot of girls showed up late, and i didnt end up getting home until 5:30...
it was a pretty fun week
well, just like that...thanksgiving is in a couple days, finals are around the corner, and another semester is almost done...i havent really been in contact with anyone from PV, so my winter break is really gonna consist of pike parties, the bars, and my own thing..aside from that, i doubt ill really be around/invited to a lot of PV-Alumni Affairs...no big deal, im gonna be pretty busy with everything...by all means, ill show up to pv stuff if it comes up...im just not really expecting it...
with that being said, ive been working on a couple situations and i gotta say, things are looking good...
i have a lot of studying to do, so ill be online...IM me or something..
later
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[10 Nov 2006|11:51am] |
i have definitely been thinkin lately....definitely have opened my eyes to a few things..
today's a pretty big day in multiple ways...we'll see how things go...
i cant really comment on the last few days...nothing special has happened...i got another B on a test, went to classes and still havent found a job...I haven't really solved any special problems, or had a good, or bad time...the only really unusual thing that happened was the dchi football game, and unless you live under a rock, or dont go to MSU, you already know what happened...I caught a 50 yard td pass, had like 5 sacks and a bunch of tackles, but PIKE lost, so none of that really matters...we kinda got screwed out of the win, not gonna lie...their longest play was a 35 yard pass interference call that put them on the goal line, where they eventually scored... and then later recovered a fumble and scored on it..pretty lame way to lose/win...we lost, but hey, its not really the way id choose to win...what can ya do???
i dunno...i have an immense amount of things to accomplish today, but i think the evening will result in carrying out my plans, and then eventually going to RUTGERS...should be insane all weekend...
later
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| blah blah |
[05 Nov 2006|12:09pm] |
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so i had a rough week.....boo hoo.......things are looking up...i really cant change some of the things that happened, but overall, i kinda learned from them....
Monday we had Euphoria....I had class during the day, a midterm....after i got home, i hung out, did some homework....I then got dressed and headed to the house...We pregamed for an hour or two, me and anibal dominated beer pong, and we went over to the bar......we get in, start to chill....i go to the bar and buy my first beer and start to walk around to see whos there...5 minutes later, im getting escorted outside by police.....i had to completely sober myself up and try to get a grip...i pop a piece of gum and started talking to the cop...turns out this guy isnt even a cop, hes from the Attorney General's office, which is like 20x worse...(one step below the governor, basically)...they detained 12 people....the guy searched my wallet and found my PBA card, asked me about my brother, had me call him and told me to walk away...God i love being a VIP, lol...
after that, i went back to the house and got completely trashed...i stayed there until like 4 in the morning, sobered up and went home...
Tuesday i had class starting at 10...i got home around noon, and caught up on my sleep/got rid of my hangover...at night, me and lou went to the house and just chilled, played some pong, relaxed, called it a night pretty early...
Wednesday i had another test and got one back at night...did fine on both, no complaints....wednesday was a really stressful day...i found out some really bad news, had a rough argument with a couple of my friends, and just genuinely had a bad day....no biggie...the night wasnt special...went to hooters with some of the boys, chilled in the dorm, hung out....boring
thursday, had class, had lunch with my friends......at night, i went to the wake and saw a lot of people from high school...we all talked, and did our thing....seeing ruben and being there with my mother was an extremely hard thing to do...i definitely wiped a few tears...its terrible that something as tragic as that puts things into perspective for you....sitting there with my mother as he gave a eulogy for his...it was very emotional....life is hard, theres not a lot of shortcuts, thats obvious...but having family, friends, a lover- those things all make it all easier...im lucky enough to have a big family, and a great group of friends...the significant other situation will work itself out, i guess...but anyway, the whole thing just helped me to realize that those things should be special...my family, my friends and my girlfriend/wife (eventually) should be the things that i really should appreciate..I should NEVER take them for granted, because thats how you LOSE friends, and thats how you mess up relationships(family/love)...i dunno...
ive come to the conclusion that you just cant force those kinds of things...they usually just come to you, thats why they are so special....after that, its up to you to act on them....i didnt force myself to make friends, it naturally just happened...throughout all the arguing and bullshit my friends and I have been through, we always find a way to work it out and put it behind us...that to me, is special...i have a lot of friends, but theres only a few who i can truly say fit into this description...my family, is my family...they were there for the beginning, they will be there for the end...basically, they are the most important/reliable thing i have...
as far as the girlfriend goes, like i said, i guess ill know when it comes my way....im not gonna jump into any situations, or try to force it...that to me, just never made sense, ever.....i kinda feel like having a girlfriend is a pretty big deal...to make it official and all, i mean...for me to get exclusive, id have to REALLY be into her, or just match up so well that its inevitable...i like to have options, if something doesnt work out, i dont have to stress over it, its an easy way to live.....im all about dating and all that, but i just cant be one of those dudes who always needs an "official" girlfriend....i already have a problem keeping interest, let alone a TITLE, haha...i dunno, i guess the truth is that when it does happen, i'd have to do it right, id have to be serious about it...lol....well see........sometimes it gets to the point where i think, "hey...this could work?, i could definitely take this girl out a few [more] times, and then who knows.." but when this does happen, i ultimately lose interest, or she loses interest, conversations get really dull/boring, and its usually reallly quickly.....THE END....ive never had otherwise.....i just cant continue dating a girl that i eventually cant hold a conversation with...physical attraction/interaction is a different story...but i dont really wanna get into it..
anyways...i take it day by day...all things happen for a reason, right?? i said something like:
"when i meet a girl and i think i like her, but shes taken, a lesbian, or just not interested in me, it was probably never meant to be"....."i mean, if i had met this girl already, she would have had the same feeling, right????....i mean, if someone really was interested in me, or felt like wed be a decent pair, or like we had a decent chance, shed say something, right??"
and then someone commented on it...all i can really say in response to that comment is that if "not everyone says something," or that you are one of them, thats really unfortunate because situations tend to pass people by...id hate to pass up something like that, especially if you're who i think you are...the sad thing is, even if i have an idea/guess of who it is, theres really no way to be sure....with time, if its meant to happen, im sure ill find out... If it works out, it works out...if not, then, hey, ill rest assured, and not sit in the "what if" state of mind......i cant be sure of what tomorrow will bring, i really just gotta do what i feel is right...
for now, im pretty tired....i think im gonna go to sleep...
comment...IM/call me tomorrow, ill be around...
-joe
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| fuckin a |
[02 Nov 2006|02:05am] |
today was a bad day....bad news, start to finish...i really dont know what to say..
sometimes life just isnt fair...the worst things happen to the best of people...The strongest fighters, the most polite, respectable, and supportive of people get the brunt of it...i know its better that shes not in pain anymore, but it wasnt her time...she was a great woman, and Im gonna be there for my friend, help out in anyway i can, and hopefully make such an unfortunate situation a little bit better...
its sad that it takes an occurance like death to put things into perspective...
RIP
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| im ripped... |
[01 Nov 2006|03:39am] |
tonite was normal....went to class at 5:15, got out at 6:45...hung out in blanton.....at 10 i went home, got dressed and then went to the pike house...ive been having a rough few days, so i felt like drinkin and havin a good time...i played some pong, hung out, a few girls came over...overall it was a good time...
lately ive been coming to the conclusion that i really have to start following situations up....ill start something, or start talkin to someone, or start to see someone, and then not pursue the situation as it develops, i just get borrrrrrrrrrrrred...its all good, i really havent regretted any of it at all, nor have i been losing any fun over it, but i cant help thinkin .."what if i did build on these situations???." Maybe things would be a little different, i dunno... Besides, its time to try something new. ive been so bored with things lately...
already bored of the new girl from msu (sorry..........) it sucks, but i just cant find anyone i have a lot in common with...at first, im all for it, i like her, shes attractive, cool, or whatever, but after a week, maybe two, i just cant be interested in any conversation..... i try, i really do...i always treat the girl right, do what i normally do, but i just cant say ive met a girl lately that i would be able to bring home to mommy lol....like i said, its gonna take a special kind of woman to pull that off....however, maybe i just expect too much...its almost like, if i find the right girl, shes gonna be taken, or a lesbian, lol....
maybe im just not the girlfriend type...never was...maybe im just supposed to be single...i guess ill know when it comes around...
everything happens for a reason...when i meet a girl and i think i like her, but shes taken, a lesbian, or just not interested in me, it was probably never meant to be...we shall see...i mean, if i had met this girl already, she would have had the same feeling, right????....i mean, if someone really was interested in me, or felt like wed be a decent pair, or like we had a decent chance, shed say something, right??, hahaha...maybe...
lol, i think too much into it, i guess......bottom line, im ripped, thinking out loud...whatever...
im gonna go to sleep...
comment maybe?, anonymous lol
joe
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| october 24th |
[25 Oct 2006|02:48am] |
i dont really have any deep thoughts to talk about right now, so i guess im just gonna talk about my day...definitely interesting, to say the least, hahaha...
i woke up today at 8:00 am to find that there was no air in my back left tire...i went to the gas station around 9:30, filled the tire, waited for awhile, and left for school..i got on route 46 and sat there for 45 minutes to go 10 miles..im pretty much never using route 46 ever again lol...(thats a lie)...anyways, i go to my first class and we really didnt do much at all...we talked about a bunch stuff that had nothing to do with the class, such as coffee, baseball, football, and even a couple movies....we took a 30 minute break and then had a free study for the rest of class...it was an utter waste of time, but i got some extra studying in..
i continued onto my next class...i had a test...i studied for awhile last night and a little more this morning..but when the professor handed out the test, i came to the harsh realization that it had nothing to do with the stuff i studied, hahah...needless to say, i was fucked...i cheated my ass off, did my best, and handed it in...i think i failed, but im really not sure...ill keep my fingers crossed
my next class was also borrrrrrring...we took our midterm last week and we were getting it back today, so i was kinda nervous about it...i got the test back and i was happy to see that i earned a B+ =)..before we got our tests back, we had a normal lecture...it was pretty boring, as usual..debits, credits, FIFO, LIFO, same old shit...my phone rang in the middle of class and i had absolutely no idea who's number it was...i obviously couldnt answer the phone so i texted the number asking who it was and telling them that i was in class..i got a text back shortly later-----
-------normally i wouldnt interject with an explanation, but this was not any ordinary text..it was from the one and only alyssa dilworth, lol...she was at msu visiting a couple friends, and wanted to see if i was around...we decided to meet up after i got out of class, so i picked up my test on the way out and headed over to the student center...i walked inside, saw a few deephers and joe dolce..dolce is completely banged up, lip swollen, stitches, the whole 9 yards...turns out they got into a huge fight at euphoria last night and got jumped...roughhhhh.....
anyways, during the Joe Dolce story, i had the feeling like someone was looking at me... so i turn around and who do i see?? nick on line paying for food, and alyssa peeking over his shoulder, lol... i let dolce finish his story, said whats up to nick and gave alyssa a generous hello...unfortunately, she had to leave soon, so we left the studes and started walking towards the parking lots...nick went back up to blanton, and i walked alyssa to her car..we talked for a little bit, but in the interest of time, we had to depart..overall, it was a nice addition to my day...
i went back up to campus and met up with a few pikes...on the way to the house my tire blows out and i almost crashed...haha, it was scary as hell, but i kept my cool and maintained control of the car..(thank God)...[the funniest part about it was that it wasnt even the same tire that was low on air this morning]...i replaced the old tire and went to the house...hung out for awhile, bullshitted, drank a beer, and went home...
it was a rough day..im completely drained....the B+, meeting up with alyssa, and not working were the only things that put smiles on my face, lol...
tomorrows another day, hopefully ill actually have something interesting to talk about...
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| wow |
[24 Oct 2006|06:39am] |
so first of all, im kinda pissed because i had a huge entry written out and the page refreshed...yeah, completely deleted...anyways..
its literally been years since ive signed onto this website...tonight, i finished my paper and started deleting some of the sources i had bookmarked..i glanced at some of the old bookmarks and LiveJournal was one of them..so after about 20 minutes of trying my past passwords, i finally got into the site and started reading some of the stuff i used to write on here...i cant believe some of that came from me...reading them made me realize how much of a different person i have become. the new friends, new experiences, and the new life im living have all changed me quite a bit...ive grown up a lot...
2 and a half years is a pretty long time...i sat here for a little while, seriously thinking about deleting my account.. I thought id be pretty ashamed of myself if anyone read this now....but after thinking about it, [and reading the whole thing] im not really embarrassed.. they were the words of who i was at the time, and i dont have anything to hide.. Some of it was actually pretty true...
In the 19 years that ive been lucky enough to live, ive had the best of times and the worst of times..ive had times where i couldnt decide which friend i wanted to hang out with because i had so many, and ive had times where no one wanted to even see me..there was always a few people who i could count on and unfortunately, ive grown apart from most of them, or they just have given up on me..
up until recently, ive been taking all of that for granted. as a kid, i never really learned from my mistakes, or tried to change myself...I was one of those kids who knew everything, and was a pathological asshole... i was the guy who felt obligated to correct everyone, the one-upper..i always wanted to impress, so i lied about things...for awhile, i really had no self-control over some of the shit that came out of my own mouth...i was immature, and after digging myself such a big hole, i finally fell into it...and only then, when it was too late ; when i lost most of the things that were important to me at the time, i learned from my mistakes..
in the last 2.5 years, ive been through a lot...my family has it pretty rough...i dont come from a house where i get whatever i ask for, so ive had to work hard...ive given up all of my "spare" time...between classes and work, im occupied 13 hours per day..the work pays for classes, car insurance, and god forbid a beer, clothes, and food now and then... the classes will hopefully pay off later...by the end of the day, i just wanna sleep, or sit around and be lethargic
luckily, i pledged for a fraternity last year, so i have SOMETHING that occasionally puts a smile on my face...honestly, without it, i would be miserable waking up and going to school everyday...Its been paying off recentely...ive gotten a lot closer to my brother through it...me and him never really got along in the past. in fact, we were really distant...hes 6 years older than me, but since i pledged and really got to know him, we can hang out effortlessly..plus we have a lot of the same friends now...thats honestly one of the coolest things i can say about the last couple years..
along with college came a new slate...after highschool, i knew i had to change..for awhile there, my life was in a downward spiral...i was getting into a shit load of trouble all the time, fucking up all of my friendships, pushing away any kind of possible relationships, not many girls liked me, and i was constantly taking people for granted...it was terrible for awhile..thats when i felt like "i fell into the hole."
im ecstatic to say that college has been great on many levels...ive met a million new people, have made a bunch of new friends, been involved with a few ladies, and overall; i have learned a lot about myself...it sucks that im 19 and living like im 35.. for now, theres nothing i can do about it...i just have to play the cards that ive been dealt..and so far, despite a few bumps in the road, ive been lucky enough to be handed a new deck and have been doing pretty well..
My situation with women has been pretty boring...everytime i meet a girl i like, ill take her out a few times, and really get to know her or whatever...and after a period of time, ill just completely lose interest...it sounds terrrrible, i know, but after that initial attraction period of a couple weeks or so, theres just nothing there for me anymore, lol..no hard feelings or anything, just no attraction...i havent met anyone that id feel comfortable bringing around my friends yet, or even my family..its gonna take a special kind of woman to be able to deal with my friends, and an exponentially more special one to be able to blend with the Giardina family, lol..
its all for the best, im sure...i mean, look at it this way...i cant say that im not learning a lot about women, hahaha...
dont get me wrong, the thought of having a girlfriend definitely crosses my mind from time to time, but im in no rush right now...im enjoying myself...however, if it happens, it happens, im sure ill know when the right one comes along haha
...but hey, its like 7 am, and my insomnia is wearing thin so im gonna sleep for now...class, work, fraternity tomorrow...what a suprise!
-joey g
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| bi--polar? |
[12 Sep 2004|12:52am] |
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well, to no one's suprise, i am updating my journal again...you know what?? i sat down and thought about a lot of the stuff that i'd normally just write in this piece of shit, and decided that just not hesitating to get them off my chest is healthier than letting them build up and piss me off....so on that note, i have established a bi-polar-unable to make a decision-attitude when it comes to live-journal....heh, oh well...
1. general summer wrap-up
2. work
3. school
4. girls
5. senior year
6. anger
1. well basically.....this was the worst summer ive ever had...i had barely any fun whatsoever....i worked like a mexican, got paid like shit, got no play at all with any girls, wasted an accumulating amount of time with a useless situation, got drunk like 3 times, got caught having a party, got punished brutally for it....but i do have some good news......i just saved a bunch of money by switching my car-insurance to geico........NOT REALLY, because geico and all other decent insurance companies wont come to our shitty state.....making our insurance through-the-roof, and oh yeah, my parents take all my money to pay it....so basically, yeah...i had no money, no fun, BUT i had my friends...lately ive been hanging out with emmolo and montemurro more.....good shit, but could be better....
2. work is a fucking travesty.....its just fucking ridiculous...
3. school started thursday, and for the most part, it seems as though it could be a promising year....my classes are pretty good, but then again, it was indeed only the first two days....anything can happen in a year, especially one like this....theres so little time left and so many things that i want to just finish or eliminate from my life completely....i just cant seem to move on from some things.....other, more complicated things i just throw out the window and forget about, but some of the stupid shit that should just be forgotten are the problems that i find myself dwelling upon constantly...i just want it all to end....anyway, like i said, school was legit, but its school....i did say that it seems like a promising year, but i dunno, its definately going to be stressful...just seeing what the first 2 days were like, and how different people are when they are around groups just aggravates me...my friends really didnt act this way, for the most part, however, just seeing it is frustrating....
4. with school starting, senior year has also begun....and as many of you know, i was pretty ridiculous with my last girl of interest....i dont know what it was that made me think/act that way for that long....ive said it once and ill say it again.....theres always that one person who no matter what they do to you, you still like them for some reason....you really try not to, and know that they dont feel the same way, but you feel like things would be amazing between you two...it sucks, but i think that you're right.....all the things you pick up on are similar to others' situations....i thought i was crazy until i asked someone else about their situation....i dunno, i suppose it was the curiosity and the feeling of not knowing what things would be like....that feeling and curiosity just mutated the truth and made me think that something great between us would be the outcome, rather than the underlying truth which was that in any situation like that, the other side doesnt realize what theyre doing or just neglects you....it took me awhile to just forget about it, and i can honestly and proudly say that for the last 2-3 weeks, i have not had that same regret or fickle personality like i did when i was still "do i like her, or do i not".....its kinda sad, but i almost have been indifferent to anything involving her.....i dont know.....i guess i just saw the real truth and understand that "friends" may just be the best title for us.....so, happily moving on, ive realized that its time to start looking for other girls and to start enjoying myself....who knows? maybe i will find someone i really do like, and if not, who gives a shit?, ill be having fun.....im glad im out of the 4-month long hole i dug myself.....
5. im in a state of overjoy that senior year has begun....it feels great to be the "big man on campus" again.....8th grade was probably the most fun year of my life.....hopefully senior year has the same effect.....i feel like theres a whole year to just fuck around and go nuts and have fun....but then i cant help thinking that theres only a year left.....soooooooooooo much shit is gonna happen and this year is going to be the fastest.....its just kinda depressing that its almost over....i dread the last few months of school and all the "getting ready" to say goodbye shit....i dont want it to end, i just wanna have a good time......im already contradicting myself, but i kinda wanna have someone to spend this year with....its gonna be really hard to watch everyone at prom with their girlfriends/boyfriends and being alone, like the rest of my highschool life....i mean, its great to not be tied down in a relationship, dont get me wrong, but having NO ONE is horrible.....maybe when i head to tcnj, or nyu things will look up...between the biomed major, and working, im sure ill find time
6. my temper has been insane lately......i really dont know why....ive been kinda bitter towards some people and have been giving a lot of people attitudes, and i really cant help it....stupid things set me off and tend to drive me crazy....just the other day, i flipped out on this person for something they jokingly said...i took it so personal and blew it out of proportion, getting bitter and immediately angry at them....its just wierd....sometimes i think i need help......but then i just realize that all i really need is advice, and ultimately, the whole point of this entry was just that...to ask if anyone would just sit and listen and give the honest advice i need to hear......if you could do that, i would really appreciate it...
for now, i think im gonna go to bed, i really need to rest......sorry if ive been a dick to anyone lately....a lot on my mind....
-Joe
PS....this is what part of the alphabet would look like if "Q" and "R" were missing....
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| ehh |
[11 Aug 2004|02:15am] |
so lately, things havent really changed...no one really does anything around here, and theres nothing really to do anyway...the summer has been so pathetic, that after wanting to leave school, and continuously praying for the summer to come, we end up sitting in the PV parking lot each and every night anyway- waiting for someone to come in, or to hit with jelly donuts....
so tonite was especially shitty....i worked until 10, which blew, like always....then i headed over to chris's to pick him up and think of something to do...we went to PV, and to no ones suprise, we find angelo, matt timmerman, and mike enright and jerry show up later...some other people were there too, but they do not compare and do not hold any relevance to the PV parking lot regulars...some cops came to run on the track, but who gives a shit...fucking bastards....
so after sitting around in the parking lot, with no intentions of doing anything, simply because of the sheer boredom we all had, cops come and make us leave...we went to quick chek, another fun-packed place....mike, jerry and angelo were also there, so we just hung out for a little and then we decided to leave....chris and i were just driving around and eventually drove around totowa...we encountered mike being dropped off by angelo, and were invited to come chill...
we got inside and had some interesting conversations about girls and just society in general...
1. a relationship in high school is not as good as having as much fun as you can, and exploring the depths of your life that probably wont be exploited in the rest of your work-filled, boring, hackneyed life...the fact is that relationships are trite unless you really find someone special, and in all seriousness -the life we are living, as highschool students- doesnt really offer as large of a pool of opportunity to find that special person as the rest of life does....basically, unless you really are in love with someone, a realationship is not as worth enjoying every night with the friends that you are going to go through life with, or the friends that no matter how divided you are, you will always have the respect and the mutual bond that lasts forever....and that- that is something special, more special than the shit that is shrouded by our temporary hormonal temptations.......
2. talking behind peoples backs is fucking ridiculous...everyone does it, youd be a liar if you denied it...HOWEVER, some things can be considered much worse than others....for example, someone can totally bash another behind their back, and then when they see each other, they are totally cool about it, like nothing happened...people constantly bash mike about the way he handles situations with girls....we've all heard the bullshit, but how many of us have actually EXPERIENCED the so called "asshole" things that mike does......my guess is, well, no one...it just pisses me off to see people like mike get a bad wrap because hes enjoying himself, or people put it off as wrong for you to think about defending him, or make you feel like you have to bash someone to fit in...im not even going to lie...i havent defended mike, and even agreed when some things were said, but only out of the fear of feeling like an outsider, or like i was wrong...i totally regret ever doing it...and a few people can vouch for me being pissed at myself for even thinking about agreeing with such SHIT....anyyyyyway...some people like to single out people and make fun of them to make themselves feel greater....very rarely does someone deliberately belittle another without intentions of somehow making themselves feel better about a past problem, or to eliminate some jealousy of some sort...in other words, i guess its just another way of showing how typical society can be....singling out some of the people that really dont deserve just that, and making them feel bad, or trying to take away some of their pride/enjoyment, by downplaying some of the things they have done.....pathetic, in all estimations
3. ...these few years are for our enjoyment...we shouldnt be wasting time thinking about problems, let alone having them...times like these will never be given back, so therefore we owe it to ourselves to just let loose of all our stupid little restrictions that we have and just enjoy....i really am furious about not spending time with all my friends, or having a party, or just letting loose this summer....ideally, wed be having parties, getting wasted, and being with all of our friends....anything else is just a bonus and should happen anyway, because were teenagers in highschool and will never have the same opportunities.......its almost over god dammit, and we cant even do anything construction with our summer..
...a lot of shit has to fix itself before the summer is over in order to make me "happy"...
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| wow.... |
[06 Aug 2004|12:57am] |
what a change in the last couple of days....same old shit, but lets put it this way...ive seen what i needed to, and i now know how im going to handle things
*i wanna dedicate this entry to some problems and the corresponding person(s) they deal with.......i just want you to realize that theres no going back
im gone....
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| well |
[03 Aug 2004|01:18am] |
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today was so incredibly bad, that i dont even know what to say....the last couple weeks have been soooooo bad, and they just dont seem to be looking up...
having to worry about someone who youve known your whole life everyday is something that wears you down...then knowing theyve been lying to you for years makes things even worse....then thinking about possibilities just make you feel horrible.....
i have too much on my plate for a 17 year old.....i constantly have to worry about stupid little things that other kids dont....or dont have to, to the same extent...then on top of all that shit, i have the same problems that we all have.....im not even going to start listing my problems or anything because, to someone who doesnt understand, i just seem like a little kid bitching about his problems......its just that all of the things i am forced to think about build on top of the minor things like having to deal with being alone, or not having someone to just talk about all this shit to......minor things like me realizing that the girl i like doesnt like me back, or even worse, holds back her feelings for some reason, compacts onto the major things like family problems, ruining my day......there are so many things that compound each and every single time i sit down and try to relax.......
i realized a few things tonite......
- we are all living the same life......we are all going through school, just so we can work the rest of our lives........the 5 year radius of time from this year is supposed to be the best time of our lives and we all have to deal with stupid shit like, worrying what other people think, or working, or other things that just cause us to hold back our true thoughts, or cause us to act in ways we really dont want to
- i dont understand why people cant just follow their hearts and do what natural impulses lead them to do.....i dont get why simple things like being attracted to someone are held back because of what someone else would think, or how someone else would react.....
- ive wasted months
- people dont get what they want, and it usually takes them awhile to realize it
- as close as you think you are to getting what you want, you are equally and opposingly far away from getting what you desire...
- everyone has that one person that they will always feel compelled to be attracted to
- less than 1 % of these people ever like you back, unless youre living a movie..
- The truth from someone you love is worse than the constant lie you were fed...
- guys may be blind on how positive somethings may be.....but we are undoubtedly blind when it comes to how NOT WORTH IT other things are
- im a mess.....
- i need sleep
- i need a hug....
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| haha |
[31 Jul 2004|12:10pm] |
why cant things just be simple anymore.....everything is always complicated by other things.....i really do think that if people just approached things like civil human beings instead of listening to what others say, and letting preconcepts determine their state of minds, we really wouldnt have that many problems.....the thing with people is that outside opinion means everything.....even people who seem to "not care" tend to have that personality to come off as careless, rather than genuinely not giving a shit....
i just try to not think about things too much.....everytime i do so, i'll narrow all of the questions i ask myself down to one question which has NO answer.....and that just.."WHY?!".....it truly is the ultimate question...if you ask someone why, they are able to give a much longer answer than any other question...did you ever realize that WHY is the most open-ended question?....think about it.....the answer to a question like "why?" is a collection of all the details leading up to a certain point, all of the details leading up to those previous details, all of the details of the actual point, all of the possible outcomes.....its nuts......smash all that into your head every day, and it really tends to build up on you like that......
ha, another answer to "why?" is simply...."i wanted to"........but in actuality, thats not an answer at all, just because not one person is ever satisfied with that answer.....
well, im off...
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| wow.... |
[30 Jul 2004|12:53am] |
well, since i last made an entry.....things have been so rough.....i just feel so worn out by everything......its all been building up on me and i just cant deal with it all.....i want to just run away from my fears, and feelings.....i cant though, thats the worst part...
little things to most are a big deal to me.....simple words and actions, or lack of, for that matter, can really mess with someones head.....its been from being on the verge of one thing, then the next day, a complete change......i got in a lot of trouble with my parents for drinking.....a week later, they catch me having a party, then to make things worse, i get pulled over and get 2 tickets at the shore...my week couldnt get any worse...im just glad that its starting to close........
in other joe news.......my life is in shambles.....my parents dont trust me, ive been fucking up constantly, i hate my job, i dont even know what to say about my so called "love life"...i still "like" cara, but only to the point of wanting to hook up with her, or hang out with her more.....its sad to say, but after the last couple weeks, ive grown to realize that maybe having a relationship isnt even what i want.....and that having a "friend" that shares an attraction is just so much better...
....the thing about it is, if i ever thought about something like just a hook up with her a month or so ago, i would have grown too attached to the situation and made it weird.....ha..i guess i just come off as someone who says something like that just so it would happen...but in all seriousness, i know i wouldnt act crazy, because i genuinely dont want anything like a relationship in this stage of the game...i dont know really.....i guess i should really talk to her about all this, and im going to...i just dont know how to even bring it up or how shed even react to it......ah well, theres only one way to find out.....
with all of the love i possess
joe
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[30 Jul 2004|12:40am] |
1) Using band names, spell out your first name:
Jake The Destroyer
OJ Simpson
Sly and the Family Stone
Englebert Humperdink
Pantera
Halifax
2) Have you ever had a song written about you? yes, nicole and alyssa still sing it to me whenever they see me
3) What song makes you cry? none?
4) What song makes you happy? "Fuck You, Im a Pirate" by my band
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? the tv
6) Name a song: November Rain - GNR
7) Who was/were your idol/s when you were younger? My dad, metallica, and the power rangers
8) First album you ever bought? Metallica - Kill 'em All
9) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why - anything by frank sinatra, garth brooks or neil diamond reminds me of my dad because he made me memorize them so i could sing with him in the car...
r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: smoke gray?
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: some shit by 311 on the radio
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: blank
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: clear
HOW ARE YOU? calm, awake, confused, worn out
d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: no
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: exaggerating
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: most of the time
LIKE TO DRIVE?: LIVE to drive
h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: Yes
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Yes
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yes
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: fuck yea
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: yeah
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: nope
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: yes
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Yes
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: yesss
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: yes
l o v e
BOYFRIEND: back in prison...big leroy......(not really)
GIRLFRIEND: Single
SEXUALITY: straight
CHILDREN: who knows, really?
LIFE?
CURRENT CRUSH: crush? no crushBEEN IN LOVE?: cant say i have
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: ha, in the process
BEEN HURT?: yes
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: telling the truth
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: nah
r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: im an ice cream man
WHATS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW: the Rocky soundtrack, mixed with GNR, michael jackson, queen, and sound garden
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: id be a marker
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: not having to think too much
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: all of my friends
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: my bands cd...a copy
w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: dont remember.....besides my grandmothers funeral which was 3 years ago
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: yes
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER. The Notebook, with cara, sam, chris and ruben......dont see this movie unless you want to make fun of it
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| aqhhhhhh |
[08 Jul 2004|12:39am] |
what a fucking crazy couple of days.....i deleted the comment someone left me by accident......i wish i didnt because its EXACTLY what i needed to hear...thanks, whoever the fuck you were....and as big as an asshole you may have seemed to be...you were right.....
well, whatever, im done with this live journal shit....ill leave it active, i just dont fucking care anymore.....
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| haha |
[08 Jul 2004|12:38am] |
You are Joe Satriani. You are laid back, polite and
kind to others, and very appreciative of those
that look up to you. You are inspirational to
others, and massively talented. You are content
to pursue your own interests, regardless of
what people think.
And on stage, you are the most @#$%in' incredible
thing alive.
What Guitar God Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| This Light Never Turns Green...... |
[06 Jul 2004|01:04am] |
We all know what its like to get "butterflies" when someone we are attracted to walks into a room, but how do we know when it's love and not simply an infatuation?
Infatuation can be characterized as feeling excited or "turned on", physically and emotionally, when a particular person is present or even when thinking about the person...... When you are infatuated with someone, the tendency to dwell solely on the person's good qualities while neglecting the negative ones is present....... This is not love; placing someone on a pedestal sets you up for disappointment and hurt. With infatuation comes a total devotion to the point of loss of one's identity and self........ Infatuation can be particularly dangerous if the person becomes such a dominant part of your life that you are no longer able to live up to your responsibilities... Having a "crush" on someone is a normal part of growing up and discovering what kind of person you would like to be in a relationship with. If kept in perspective, these crushes can be exciting.
Being in love seems to bridge the gap between infatuation and true love...... It encompasses the intense and passionate feelings at the beginning of a romantic relationship; the excitement of hearing your partner's voice on the telephone or staying up all night talking and watching the sunrise......Eventually, the newness of the relationship wears off and the "spark" may not be as strong; this, however, does not mean that the relationship is over....Nevertheless, it is important to assess whether you are losing your attraction or interest in the other person or whether your feelings are simply developing toward a higher level- more intense love......
Loving someone goes deeper than infatuation or the intensity of feelings surrounding a new relationship. It involves an unconditional acceptance of another person's beliefs, thoughts and feelings. This does not mean, however, that you must agree with the person on all matters in order to love him or her, but an appreciation and respect for opinions and emotions is vital...... Love takes time to develop and involves sharing one's thoughts, feelings, dreams, disappointments and triumphs. Love must also exist at a level in which each person can maintain a sense of his or her identity apart from the relationship...... Loving someone entails acknowledging and accepting everything about him or her, both good and bad.... Your personal growth should not be stunted by the relationship but, rather, must develop more fully because of the relationship.......Loving someone and building a solid relationship is an ongoing process; it will be filled with conflicts and resolutions and should never be taken for granted. To love or to be loved is the greatest gift one can give or receive from another......
-----
just a thought
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| well, well, well............ |
[03 Jul 2004|03:06pm] |
well, its been an interesting 2 weeks since ive left you guys....Boys State was a success...i held like 13 offices in the Boys State Legislature, as well as made about 10 new really good friends...
this past week was also interesting.....i went to the shore for the first time this summer and for the first time since last year......it was cool, i guess...braen, chris and myself enjoyed ourselves...the boardwalk was decent and we hung out with my friend Foley from boys state...he has a few boats and we went wakeboarding.....it was pretty great...
anyway, i came back here thinking i would be able to just move on from a lot of things and in many ways i have...i feel like ive taken those first few steps toward me finally leaving certain situations and building on others that are actually strong.....i definately think that im on my way to being where i want to be, and instead of dwelling on things that cause me to think in ways that arent truthful, i feel like i am coming towards a state of reality....whether or not this reality is favorable or not, it doesnt matter, because i now know the truth.....or parts of it.....
well, on that note...ive kinda drawn a blank...i dont have much more to say anymore.........i may just end this whole journal thing......
until next time.....?
joe
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| repetition |
[20 Jun 2004|12:58am] |
damn this shit.....i cant stop....chris was right, lol...
ill see you guys in a week or so...
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